Grief is one of the most profound and personal experiences we go through as human beings. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the loss of something deeply meaningful, grief can shake the very foundations of our world.

At Leeds Counselling for Wellbeing, I often speak with bereaved people who are trying to make sense of their grief, wondering if they're "doing it right" or whether their feelings are normal. The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grieving. Everyone experiences and expresses grief differently — and that's okay.

There’s No “Right” Way to Grieve

One of the most common misconceptions about grief is that it follows a neat, orderly pattern. You may have heard of the "five stages of grief" — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can be helpful in understanding some of the emotions we may encounter, they don’t represent a strict sequence that everyone follows.

Grief is far messier. It can feel like a wave, coming and going with unexpected intensity. Some days may feel manageable, while others can hit you out of nowhere. For some, grief is loud and visible — expressed through tears, conversations, or rituals. For others, it’s quieter — felt internally and processed in solitude.

Cultural and Personal Influences

How we handle bereavement is shaped by so many factors: our upbringing, culture, beliefs, and previous experiences with loss. Some cultures encourage open displays of mourning, while others value privacy and stoicism. Neither is wrong — they’re simply different expressions of the same pain.

Even within families or close communities, individuals can grieve in contrasting ways. One person may want to talk about the loss daily; another may need space and silence. Misunderstandings can arise when we expect others to grieve the way we do. Recognising that everyone’s journey is different can help reduce judgment and foster compassion.

 

 

There Is No Pressure to "Move On"

Many bereaved  people feel a subtle (or not so subtle) pressure to "get over it" after a certain time. But grief doesn't work on a schedule. It’s not something to be completed or checked off a list. Grief often becomes part of us — it may soften with time, but the loss can continue to shape us in quiet, lasting ways.

Rather than moving on, we learn to move forward with the grief. We find ways to integrate it into our lives, carry it, and sometimes even find meaning through it. That doesn't mean forgetting — it means healing.

 

 

Giving Yourself (and Others) Permission

One of the most healing things we can do, after a bereavement,  is give ourselves permission to grieve in our own way. That might mean journaling, seeking therapy, spending time in nature, talking to trusted friends, creating art, or simply sitting with the feelings as they arise.

It also means giving others that same permission. Instead of offering advice like “be strong” or “they're in a better place,” consider asking, “What do you need right now?” or simply saying, “I’m here.” Small gestures of compassion can go a long way.

You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone

If you're struggling with grief — whether your loss is recent or long ago — you don’t have to carry it by yourself. Speaking with a counsellor can provide a safe, supportive space to explore your feelings and begin to process what’s happened in your own time and way.

At Leeds Counselling for Wellbeing, I’m here to walk alongside you. There is no rush, no judgement — just space for you to be exactly where you are.

If you’d like to speak to someone about grief or bereavement, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to support you, however your journey looks.