When people hear the word relationship, they often think about romantic partners. But actually, we are in all sorts of relationships all the time – with friends, family, colleagues, neighbours, and even the owner at the corner shop you chat to every morning.

And if there’s one thing that makes all relationships feel better, it’s this:
Boundaries!

Recently, I received a long-term medical diagnosis, and I have had to listen to my body and set more boundaries than ever. It’s not easy but I couldn’t carry on as I was, constantly saying yes, but by doing so, wiping myself out and suffering health consequences.

So how did I do it?

Now, don’t panic – boundaries aren’t about cutting people off or being difficult. They’re simply about knowing your limits and being able to say, “Actually, that’s not okay with me” – in a calm, respectful way.

Let’s break it down a little.

What Does a Healthy Relationship Actually Look Like?

A healthy relationship – any kind – should feel steady. Like you can breathe. Like you don’t have to put on a performance just to be accepted.

In a good relationship, you can:

• Speak up without worrying it’ll start a row
• Say no without feeling guilty
• Be your full self – not just the version that keeps everyone happy
• Know that the other person respects your time and energy
• Disagree sometimes without it turning into World War III

It’s not about everything being perfect or conflict-free. It’s just about having that mutual respect, care, and room to be you.

Right, So What Are Boundaries Then?

Think of boundaries as your personal rules – the lines you draw to look after yourself.

They help you protect your time, energy, mental health, and emotional space. And they’re just as important with your mum or best mate as they are with your partner.

Here are some everyday boundary examples:

• Telling a friend you can’t talk tonight because you’re shattered
• Asking a colleague not to message you out of hours
• Saying you’re not up for discussing politics with your uncle (again)
• Letting someone know you need some space
• Not replying straight away just because someone expects you to

Setting a boundary doesn’t mean you’re being cold. It just means you’re being honest – with yourself and with the people around you.

“But Won’t I Upset People?”

Short answer? Possibly.
Long answer? Sometimes people don’t like it when you start doing things differently – especially if they’re used to you being the one who always says yes or keeps the peace.

But here’s the thing: healthy people respect healthy boundaries. If someone genuinely cares about you, they’ll adjust. They might need a minute, but they’ll get there.

And those who don’t? Well, that tells you something too.

Boundaries might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but long term, they lead to stronger, more honest connections. No pretending, no simmering with resentment, just real relationships based on mutual respect.

How to Start Setting Boundaries (Without Causing a Drama)

It doesn’t have to be a big showdown. Most of the time, it’s just about small changes and clear communication.

Here’s how to get started:

1. Notice where you feel a bit “off”
   You know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right? That’s often your inner voice saying, “Oi – a boundary’s been crossed.”
2. Be honest, but kind
   You can say something like:

“I’d love to help, but I’m completely wiped out.”
“I’m not really up for talking about that today.”
“Would you mind giving me a bit of space this weekend?”

1. Stick with it
   People might push back at first. That’s okay – it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means change is happening.
2. You’re allowed to say no
   Even if someone’s disappointed. Even if you used to say yes. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to protect your peace.

Boundaries Aren’t Just for Romantic Relationships

💬 With mates
You don’t have to be available 24/7. A good friend will get it if you need some space or don’t fancy going out every weekend.

🏠 With family
You can love your family and still say, “Please don’t comment on my weight,” or “I’m not talking about that with you.”

💼 At work
You’re not a robot. You don’t need to reply to emails at 10pm or take on more than your fair share. It’s okay to say, “That’s not doable for me right now.”

💛 With yourself
Yep – self-boundaries are a thing. Like turning your phone off at night, not overcommitting, or stopping that inner voice that tells you you’re never doing enough.

Final Thought

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about making space for better connections – ones that are honest, respectful, and real.

And if it all feels a bit overwhelming – maybe you’ve spent years people-pleasing, or you just don’t know where to start – you’re not alone. This is something we can work on together.

At Leeds Counselling for Wellbeing, I offer a warm, supportive space where you can talk about what’s going on in your relationships – with no pressure and no judgement.
Whether it’s setting healthier boundaries, finding your voice, or just figuring out what you actually need from the people around you, I’m here to help.

Drop me a message if you’d like to chat. It might just be the start of something really good.